A Big Heart
It's finally December. I can't believe this, Christmas is just around the corner!
Christmas songs are playing everywhere, Christmas trees, Santa claus!
Everything screams Christmas :)
Lots of ups and downs this year, the 2014 rollercoaster. And now it's about to end fellas.
This year marks a lot, like my first ministry in GBI Keluarga Allah, trip to Europe, going to Padang for Indonesia Medical Olympiad, and finishing my last semester in medschool. It has been an exciting year overall, though there were some teeny tiny bits of things that bother me. Well, I guess that's just life.
I've had moments that drags me down the black hole. Not the prettiest feeling in the world, I know. At that time I came to a disappointment, made by myself. I screwed up in things I knew I could do. Things that I never thought I'd ever do wrong. Don't take it for my overwhelming confidence haha, but I'm an A-bloodtype perfectionist. If I'd ever do anything, I'd prepare myself well, and execute it with excellence. Or at least that's what I'm aiming for. I'd work hard, harder than anyone else to achieve my target. It works out for me most of the time. But when it doesn't, I break down like apocalypse.
It took me a while to get up, back on my feet, and walk again. I talked to one of my sisters in church, and she said, "Your quality isn't determined by this. People look at you, they know your effort, they know you. This doesn't define you." She told me that these kind of things could happen to anyone, and not to stress too much on it. This happened because God let it happen, because I am now processed. "A big heart for a big capacity", she said. I'd have to accept this, forgive myself, and move on.
As I think back on all this, I started to realize that I am still under training. Maybe I'm not allowed to reach the top yet, because I'm not ready for it. Because there's something bigger that's about to unfold for me. There is absolutely no use of looking back all the time, wishing wondering what if I could do things differently. Would it be different now? Maybe. Maybe not. But whatever it is, it can't be done, so I might as well skip the drama.
What's more important is to focus on the future. What can I do next? How could I improve?
Take a deep breath, open your eyes, and smile.
Now you're ready to run again. This time faster, this time further.
:)
Christmas songs are playing everywhere, Christmas trees, Santa claus!
Everything screams Christmas :)
Lots of ups and downs this year, the 2014 rollercoaster. And now it's about to end fellas.
This year marks a lot, like my first ministry in GBI Keluarga Allah, trip to Europe, going to Padang for Indonesia Medical Olympiad, and finishing my last semester in medschool. It has been an exciting year overall, though there were some teeny tiny bits of things that bother me. Well, I guess that's just life.
I've had moments that drags me down the black hole. Not the prettiest feeling in the world, I know. At that time I came to a disappointment, made by myself. I screwed up in things I knew I could do. Things that I never thought I'd ever do wrong. Don't take it for my overwhelming confidence haha, but I'm an A-bloodtype perfectionist. If I'd ever do anything, I'd prepare myself well, and execute it with excellence. Or at least that's what I'm aiming for. I'd work hard, harder than anyone else to achieve my target. It works out for me most of the time. But when it doesn't, I break down like apocalypse.
It took me a while to get up, back on my feet, and walk again. I talked to one of my sisters in church, and she said, "Your quality isn't determined by this. People look at you, they know your effort, they know you. This doesn't define you." She told me that these kind of things could happen to anyone, and not to stress too much on it. This happened because God let it happen, because I am now processed. "A big heart for a big capacity", she said. I'd have to accept this, forgive myself, and move on.
As I think back on all this, I started to realize that I am still under training. Maybe I'm not allowed to reach the top yet, because I'm not ready for it. Because there's something bigger that's about to unfold for me. There is absolutely no use of looking back all the time, wishing wondering what if I could do things differently. Would it be different now? Maybe. Maybe not. But whatever it is, it can't be done, so I might as well skip the drama.
What's more important is to focus on the future. What can I do next? How could I improve?
Take a deep breath, open your eyes, and smile.
Now you're ready to run again. This time faster, this time further.
:)
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