25 (draft) -- late post

July 5 1994.

I was born today, 25 years ago.

A moment I should celebrate, according to the gazillion lot of planet earth. 

This year, or should I say half-a-year, is especially difficult for me. I've encountered many challenges, ups and downs. I've fought and I've lost, I've loved - and I think I should let go :)

Acceptance is a big part of my self-crisis. How I'm supposed to swallow the bitter endings. How I should stop crying before I drain myself out. How I should pull myself together and stand back up when I'm down at my lowest. How I'm supposed to look in the mirror, and say "you're gonna be okay." 

It's hard. It really is.

But failure doesn't define you. Your response does.

I've spent quite a lot of time re-evaluating. Taking a step back to reflect on myself, what I wanted, the choices I should make - not to have myself regretting in 20 years when I look back. 

Yes, I'm 25. Yes, I'm not settled. 

Yes, I still depend on my parents.

Yes, I don't know where to go. 

Yes, this is my quarter midlife crisis :)

But I'm trying. I'm fighting. 

I'm taking the smallest steps possible to my future.

What lies ahead? I don't know. 

Am I scared? Yes.

These fears, these doubts creep inside of me like they can swallow me anytime.

How am I supposed to know?

I'm just a human being. I try, I fail, I try again - until only God knows how long. 

But that's what makes it beautiful, no? 

That's what makes us who we are. 

Will I make it? Who the hell knows. 

*YELLOW playing in the background

But I'm here on my feet.

Ready to run again.